Narrator: Welcome to Business Life 360 with Kristy Kaye, where we get to know thought leaders and innovators trends and impact in the world of business, and we see firsthand how business and life have evolved and now helping us all learn, lead and grow is our host, Kristy K. Kristi.

K.: Greetings and welcome to Business Life 360.

I'm your host, Kristi K., meeting you at the intersection of business and life on this episode.

Global business environments have changed, and so too has the art of developing healthier business connections, networking and meeting other like minded professionals.

At Business Life 360, we're up for the challenge of digging deeper into discovering how and why we build or don't build strong, lasting business and personal relationships.

We're talking with three renowned experts in the areas of neuroscience, networking, dating and emotional intelligence areas that may prove more challenging than ever.

So kick back, relax and come along with me.

This is Business Life 360.

(Music) Narrator: Business Life 360 with Kristi K. is made possible by Medica, a locally owned, nationally recognized, not for profit health care network that has a strong commitment to clinical excellence, providing safe, high quality patient care and addressing social issues that impact health.

The John B and Lillian Inept College of Business and Innovation at the University of Toledo.

Developing lifelong leaders for the world of business and by the Greater Toledo Community Foundation.

Also by viewers like you.

Thank you.

Kristi.

K.: On this episode, we're talking about building strong relationships and connectivity in the workplace, something that is particularly challenging in a new workplace landscape during and post-pandemic, and now it's an honor to welcome to Business Life 360.

Dr. Caroline Leaf, a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist who studied at the University of Cape Town and Pretoria in South Africa .

She has spent the past four decades of her life studying the mind, brain connection, the nature of mental health and the formation of memory.

Her latest book is entitled Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess.

And here to talk about how we can all use our experiences and memories to build and strengthen workplace and life relationships.

Is Dr. Caroline Leaf, Dr. Caroline Lee.

Thanks so much for being in Business Life 360.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: I'm so thrilled to join you.

Thank you so much for having me.

Kristi.

K.: Yes, indeed.

So let's dove in.

Define for us what the difference is between the mind and the brain.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Mind is that we think it's this elusive concept.

But if you just think of it, do not able to not have a conversation because your life we actually share and you ask me things.

I'm you thinking about.

I'm thinking about what you asked me.

I'm experiencing that I'm making decisions on on cheap x.

In other words, I am thinking, feeling and choosing in response to a question you sinking, feeling and choosing response to mine.

We are.

And that is mind in action.

It's our life is our ability to process the experience or the view is or going to the same thing that sinking, feeling and choosing.

So mind is that mind is this ability or aliveness to think and feel and choose those things you choose in response to what we experienced?

And then is a sort of psychological definition of mind on a physiological side or physical side.

It's basically an electromagnetic and gravity force and an electromagnetic field and a gravitational field.

So it's around us and threw us to mind.

It is a driving force that thinks he'll choose.

Driving force is not so elusive is what science makes it out to be.

The brain, on the other hand, is the physical structure, and we have got a brain.

There you go.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: A real one, but it's a brain, and it's the physical structure, very complex that is the respond to the mind.

So it takes the might.

We use the we use a mind process we put into the brain.

We need to put the mind needs the brain to make sense of this incoming input changes.

The brain grows it into the brain and then that allows us to express and talk.

So what's happening in the brain is the consequence of what we believe in, correct?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Exactly.

Very much so.

So and it's also not an automatic.

Things are looking up.

It's not a situation of I'm going to think of positive thoughts, not the cancer is going to go away.

We've got to be really careful of thinking.

The law of attraction manifestation, it's not a quick fix.

It is a general process of everything I experience is going to go through is shown in my brain and my body and impacting that, and it works in cycles of 63 days.

So if I'm constantly got these, I'm constantly missing terms of thinking negatively about something that negativity wise into the brain in a toxic waste, the proteins and the structure of the brain isn't as healthy as what it could be if you are in a more positive state.

And so over time, it accumulates and it decreases the health of the body and back feeds back into the mind.

And then you have this negative feedback sitting.

Kristi.

K.: So if our thoughts are primarily tied to our experiences, does that explain PTSD or how we make recurring negative decisions in our lives?

Or perhaps maybe we are excessively positive and all that we do?

Does that explain that?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Yes, definitely.

Because everything you do is coming from your mind.

So whatever you do, think of everything like excessive of positivity responses on the PTSD and PTSD response.

All of those are coming from something.

We experience something and both equally great and not only into our brain, but into every single body.

So if you've gone through a traumatic experience or sexual abuse or a hugely violent and dramatic experience, that experience was captured by your mind built into your brain and your body.

And therefore, if it's not processed and managed, it's then when you're triggered again.

The PTSD response is mind, brain and body.

Kristi K.: What does your research reveal in this area, particularly as it ties to relationships?

And as you started to talk about earlier, some of that toxicity that may occur?

And is it OK to really walk away if something doesn't feel healthy or doesn't feel right?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Absolutely.

So we are relational.

We crave deep, meaningful connections, but not everyone's in the same places with me, and it's OK if you don't get on with everyone, but they all you can always control that comes into life.

You can't control what other people do with it.

We can can't control those decisions and what circumstances they've been through that have changed them, that they impact you.

So by saying this, I don't know what you're going through, but I know you're going through something because you know this is.

It ought to be in a relationship.

How can I help you, how can I do this?

What do you need from me?

So it's going to that mode.

And then from there, before you go into that mode, you do need to protect yourself, you know, find your own space that that you are able to function and that you kind of go with yourself in doing that.

You can then reach out to that person and basically how can understand how to reach.

And if that person is staying with it and it's affecting you once again, you do.

It's a capability to change your base.

We may not be your best friend for you, or maybe a season where you can't reach to look at you think we need a little bit of time apart?

It may be a channel that you need you that you'd love as much as you've ever loved or a cousin or something , but you need to have some separation and it's OK.

Always keep consciously, you know yourself boundaries.

You can recognize that person needs that space.

Kristi.

K.: So what three to four points can we leave our viewers and listeners with to set the stage for building stronger relationships and connectivity with others.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: To build you?

That's such a great question.

So it starts with yourself.

As I keep saying, we're going to recognize those signals of when you frustrated with someone else.

It's probably something in yourself that you need to work on a lot of self-acceptance.

And and this is not ego building.

The kind of thing I'm talking about is humility.

It's a very humbling.

This is what I can do that someone else can't do, but it makes me more.

It's my impact in the world is not about me, it's me.

So this effect and then the other thing is to recognize you can't control events and circumstances or people, you can only control your response.

And in the third one, going to mind which I'd love a out of my management, your mind never stops.

You can go three weeks without food, three days without water, three minutes without oxygen, which you don't even go, three seconds without your mind working and your mind is driving that relationship.

So until you know this whole self boundaries and and recognize you can't fix others is kind of an overarching philosophy, but then activates and becomes a reality through the mind of management.

You want that to happen.

You have to mind manage your own mind in your in terms of soft boundaries, in terms of not fixing others, in terms of the moment, a moment in terms of the patterns, etc.

Fold it in as a last doctor leaf.

Kristi.

K.: When you're on Business Life 360, you get to do quick hits, which allows our viewers and our listeners to get to know you a little bit better.

And we're coming back for that at the end of the show.

It's no secret that professionals are finding it increasingly difficult to connect with and meet other professionals with working remotely minimized face to face meetings and less in-person events and engagements as primary reasons cited.

Research shows the ebbs and flows of dating and matchmaking companies still a multibillion dollar industry.

It's reported that in 20 15% of U.S. adults, about 50 million have or continue to use dating apps to pursue romance.

And if you are one of them, you know that they may use personality questionnaires, photos, websites, apps, even social media profiles to help users meet compatible mates online.

Each company has its competitiveness, unique demographic selling point and subscription fee.

As it relates to the business community, one dating company called It's Just Lunch offers a unique dish of concierge matching for busy professionals to meet each other in person.

Our guest is Erika Cabaniss, the regional director of It's Just Lunch, to tell us more.

Erika, welcome to Business Life 360.

Erika Kybartas: Hello, thank you so much for having me.

Kristi.

K.: Absolutely.

So first off, Erika, as it ties to relationships.

Some people go through life being the flower that never got picked or things just didn't work out.

But you say there is a lid for every pot, which I totally love.

That's great optimism.

What is the number one reason you hear as to why people call you and it's just lunch?

Erika Kybartas: Well, dating has changed so much, and you know, everybody wants to be in a relationship at the end of the day, even if maybe not in this moment.

People want love, and that's a huge part of life.

So what we do is totally different and we're hand-selected matches for our clients.

And right now, especially in these last couple of years, people are really wanting that connection.

They really want those personal connections that they haven't had, obviously the last couple of years in general.

Kristi.

K.: Mm-Hmm.

And yours is an alternative.

This is not online dating.

This is not use algorithms and try to match people that way.

Tell us more about the specifics of it's just lunch.

Erika Kybartas: Yes, and I truly believe I've been here a long time.

This is why we're so successful, because there's a personal touch.

You know, when you go online and you're filling in a profile, you're putting in numbers, you're putting in preferences when in fact the love of your life could be a year older and shorter.

So myself and the matchmakers, we really look at each individual we interviewed and we get to know them and their personality, what works, what doesn't.

And all of that goes into making these matches.

And the best part about this is most relationships that happen through us.

It is somebody a little outside of the box.

So we have clients that will come and say, Erika, I want a, b and C. And then in reality, we know as matchmakers what they might really need or be successful with is an Abby and Z. Matchmakers really look differently at what you are and what you're looking for.

That's what makes us successful.

Kristi.

K.: Tell us more about your demographic and some of those who you work with as clients completely.

Erika Kybartas: You know, we've been around over 30 years and busy professionals have the hardest time dating.

We understand there's so many other priorities in life, right?

You have your family, you have your kids, you have your jobs.

So we make it really easy.

And that's where clients love us because we juggle their busy schedules for them.

So we set up low pressure, fun first dates for that and that fit into their life, that fit into their lifestyle.

And we have a really great team that handles all the logistics.

So really, all our clients do is we tell them about their match, they give us their availability, they let us know when they're free and then we handle the rest.

We pick the restaurant.

We set up the date, we make the reservation so all our clients have to do is show up to the restaurant, check in with the host and then they'll sit them together at a table.

And after that, they decide if they want to change numbers, go on a second date and then call us the next day for feedback.

Kristi.

K.: Talk to us now about safety.

Clearly, that is an issue, particularly this day and age.

And how do you, as a company, really work hard to implement any sort of safety standards when you match these people on their dates completely?

Erika Kybartas: Well, first and foremost, we make sure we are interviewing every single client on our price point alone is going to weed out a lot of people who maybe you know, somebody who is up to no good.

Kristi.

K.: I know, too, even on your website, you say things like make sure you tell a family member or tell a friend where you're going to be, perhaps provide their own transportation.

Are there other safety measures like that that you recommend?

Erika Kybartas: I mean, always do that.

Any type of dating as a matchmaker, I have to say you always should be careful and no matter what, if you're out and about, but especially for us, we set up those dates too.

We don't give out any details.

We give out first names and a little bit of information.

So, you know, going into that, if you don't feel comfortable giving your information on the date, you don't have to.

So only change numbers if you feel comfortable.

And my other big advice is really listen on these dates.

It seems so simple, but listen to that person.

Do you get a good feeling from them?

Do you get a good vibe?

Is there energy there?

If you're if you're not feeling that, then it's OK not to give out information and leave.

Kristi K.: So as part of the con service, are you also coaching your clients in terms of kind of what to talk about, what to say when you're actually on that date?

Erika Kybartas: I truly believe every single person needs coaching.

Whether you think you're the best leader in the house or you do know you need help, that coaching is so, so important.

And a lot of times we don't realize how we're coming across on dates.

So we do have dating coaches that we provide and work with our clients one on one.

one of the main things is the feedback.

Knowing how you felt about the date, but also in our coaching program.

Our date coach goes over what your dates are saying about you.

We want our clients to be successful in dating, and these little things make a huge difference.

It's a first impression.

Kristi.

K.: For sure you are making a huge impact and really enhancing the opportunities to build healthy relationships.

Thanks so much, Erica, and I have to end with one final question for you.

What's the best part of your job?

Erika Kybartas: Every single person that we work with, these matchmakers are so passionate about getting our clients into relationships.

And when we hear our success stories, that's what lights it up.

That's what makes us do what we do, and we really do have the best job.

Kristi.

K.: Thanks again, Erika, for being a part of Business Life 360.

Erika Kybartas: Thank you so much for having me.

Kristi.

K.: We discussed the mind, brain difference, as well as how to meet others in the business world.

And now psychologist over the decades, Maslow Gallman, many others have revealed the in-depth studies backing the notion that building long term relationships, be it with friends and romantic partners, with teammates or coworkers and even improving academic success requires emotional intelligence or A.I..

Here to give us a deeper understanding of AI, as well as how to build our own stronger, healthier work and personal relationships, is Dr Michael Brown, the founder and CEO and life and mental coach at DMB Coaching.

So Dr. Brown, no doubt emotions are really affecting our behavior in so many ways, whether it's a work experience or something in life.

Tell us a little bit more about how you define emotional intelligence and how that plays into that.

Dr. Michael Brown: Well, it's interesting because even in my work in consulting and coaching, we talk about in derby coaching about the twelve dimensions of a human being's life.

And one of those dimensions is the emotional dimension.

And there's obviously intersectionality between the various dimensions, physical dimensions, spiritual dimension, relational dimension, financial dimension.

There's a variety of dimensions to our life.

They're all intersecting, but emotional dimension.

It is a challenging one because the emotional dimension Kristie is the ability to both express and manage what we're feeling.

The ability to be emotionally intelligent is the ability to actually take into account what I am feeling, and then as I express those feelings in the presence of others, how it's going to affect them.

Kristi K.: Very, very deep concept emotional intelligence, of course.

You contrast that then with IQ.

Tell us a little bit more than how those who kind of interact.

Dr. Michael Brown: Yeah.

Kristi K.: So when we start communicating with others at the workplace or in our different lives, in our as you talk to athletes on their teams and things of that nature.

Dr. Michael Brown: Well, they say that only 20% of the success we have in life is connected in some way to IQ, and 80% of success in life is connected to other things such as luck or social capital.

Skill set talents, natural talents and abilities, but as well, emotional intelligence.

I think that all of us in all of our various spaces and places of life are very connected to people.

And there's even folks, I'm sure, who are watching today who might be thinking, I wish people would leave me, leave me alone.

I wish people would leave me alone so I could get my job done.

I mean, we hear that all the time and it's like, no people are our job relationships.

Everything happens through the currency of connection.

For.

Sure.

Kristi.K.

: You know, everyone watching and listening has had a situation where you had a toxic coworker.

How does one begin to deal with that?

And that sort of have that coffee room chatter about the person, but rather confront or work with or sort of develop a rapport with that person so that it can be a more productive workplace.

Dr. Michael Brown: What we first need to do, Kristi, is look in the mirror and ask ourselves, Is there some ways that I'm contributing to the toxic environment?

The goal for every single person walking, let's say, into the workplace.

Imagine for just a moment if everybody who walked into a particular workspace within a particular organization on Monday morning, if every person who walked into that space was actually more interested in others than being interesting to others?

Imagine a scenario where every Monday morning, everyone an organization stepped into that space.

Choosing to be a life giver as opposed to a life taker actually coined the phrase several years ago because I was meeting these individuals very rarely, albeit when when you're in their presence.

It's as though time stands.

Still, you could talk to them for an hour, and it feels like five minutes.

We also know what it's like to be in the presence of life takers where it's been five minutes and it feels like five hours because they're sucking the life out of you, right?

So what does it look like to step into every space wanting to give and to be present in a positive way with people and human relationships?

Kristi K.: Let's say you have so on your executive management team who doesn't necessarily have a high IQ.

Oftentimes, can we presume that if they don't have a high IQ, they maybe aren't even aware that they should have a high IQ or emotional intelligence?

So how does one as a manager or an executive director or CEO?

How does one go about really approaching that situation where you've got an employee who does good work but doesn't necessarily have that ability to connect well with others?

Dr. Michael Brown: Well, you need to have an honest conversation.

What's interesting in corporate America right now?

That is a little bit startling to me in general as a business consultant is that we hire too quickly and fire too slowly.

Someone who has no emotional intelligence and isn't open to hearing about that, that's going to be a permanent problem.

The teach ability, the availability to hear and receive constructive criticism is a powerful, powerful quality.

You mentioned CEOs, managers, supervisors talking to people below.

Most of the problems I'm seeing are the fact that some of that lack of emotional intelligence is happening at the highest levels of leadership and the reason they're unawares.

Nobody knows how to speak to power.

Kristi.

K.: How do you recommend that?

And when the converse occurs, how does an employee speak with his or her boss to say this isn't working well?

I'm not able to communicate well with you.

How does that occur?

Dr. Michael Brown: Well, I think part of it is having a kind of a standard, a cultural commitment to one another.

By building the culture, you're creating a green house for growth in regards to elevating emotional intelligence.

Kristi K.: So let's leave our vi and our listeners with three steps that they can take to really enhance their emotional quotient and intelligence.

Dr. Michael Brown: I would say to train yourself and practice quite honestly, looking closely.

Listening carefully.

And loving extravagantly.

Like to literally be in the presence of someone to look at them, to see them, and we are craving Christie to be seen.

We're craving.

Listening carefully to be heard and at the very core of who we are, our greatest desire is human connection, which can only happen.

Love only is felt when we are known and accepted at the same time.

And so to have that.

And again, even when I say love extravagantly, like, Wow, does that happen in the corporate world?

Yes, you can really love your team members extravagantly, practically specifically, because again, imagine regardless of your spaces, whatever you will find yourself today, whatever season of your life, right?

To be able to think about if I took time to look closely, to listen carefully and to love extravagantly, all my relationships, both in business and in the personal life, would be enhanced significantly.

Kristi K.: Dr Michael Brown, thanks so much for opening our eyes to greater personal and professional well-being and connectivity.

We appreciate you being here on the set of Business Life 360.

(Music) When you're on Business Life 360, we do something called quick hits, and that means that I ask you a series of quick questions and get some quick responses from you, so our viewers and listeners get to know you a little better.

So are you ready?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Yes.

Kristi.

K.: Great.

Here we go.

Do you have pets?

Yes, I do.

Currently, two little shitzhus called Narla and Simba.

Kristi.

K.: Who is your mentor?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: I have a few mentors back at university when I was studying my undergraduate contact, one of them and I had various researchers in the field that have been fantastic in terms of guiding me.

Kristi.

K.: Who's your biggest fan?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: I think my husband and my husband and my children Kristi.

K.: What is your go to hobby?

I love reading.

I love.

I love going to the gym.

I love being on the beach.

Kristi.

K.: We would get along fabulously.

What music are you listening to these days?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: I listen to everything.

I like a lot of a lot of I like what we see with my kids in listening to what they seem to.

They sort of seem to have the best playlists pertain to popular playlists, so.

Kristi.

K.: What was your first job?

Dr. Caroline Leaf: And I was actually there, my first job was a therapist at school and I was at school.

I worked in a restaurant.

Kristi.

K.: And lastly, one thing that you do to control fear.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: I use neurocycle, I this system that I developed for everyone else, I love it.

I breathe it.

I couldn't live without it.

Kristi.

K.: I cannot wait to download the neurocycle app.

Dr Caroline Leef, thank you so much for being a part of Business Life 360.

Dr. Caroline Leaf: Thank you so much for having me on.

Kristi.

K.: It's been eye-opening to delve deeper with our expert guests into enhancing business and personal connections and being our best healthier selves to develop lasting, positive relationships.

That's a wrap on this episode of Business Life 360.

Glad you joined us to learn more about the trending business, exciting innovations and topics at the intersection of business and life.

I'm Kristi K. reminding you to take the time to learn by listening to others.

We'll see you in the next business life.

360.

Narrator: Connect with Kristi K. on LinkedIn at Kristi K. Hoffman and hear the Business Life 360 conversation on FM 91 on Thursday mornings.

To watch previous episodes and more, visit our website at W.G.

Ted Morgan B 360. Business life 360 with Kristi K. is made possible by her medaka, a locally owned, nationally recognized, not for profit health care network that has a strong commitment to clinical excellence, providing safe, high quality patient care and addressing social issues that impact health.

The John B and Lillian E Neff College of Business and Innovation at the University of Toledo.

Developing lifelong leaders for the world of business.

And by the Greater Toledo Community Foundation, also by viewers like you.

Thank you.

(Music)