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Doni: In Lucas County, 911 receives a call regarding domestic violence every 28 minutes.

The impact of this crime is sweeping not just because of its impact on the women, but because of the impact it has on the children and our community.

The numbers are increasing, but who are these women and what must this country do to stop their victimization?

Welcome to to the point.

My name is Doni.

Helping to walk us through this most difficult conversation is Rachael Gardner.

Rachael is the director of Victim services for our local YWCA.

She is also the director of their Rape Crisis Center.

I want to start by saying, first of all, thank you for spending this time with us.

This is a critical issue today, and thank you, more importantly for the work that you do.

It's tough work.

It's really tough work.

And you get up every day and keep it moving.

And we really, really appreciate you for that.

I want to start out, though, with putting some perspective on this issue.

Lots of discussion around about the and about the number of statistics related to domestic violence increasing around the country.

Is it really an issue in Lucas County?

Rachael: It is, absolutely.

So we were just looking at our admissions into the emergency shelter.

We've served more folks than we did last year.

We've served more folks than we did even pre-pandemic.

If we look at 2019 as a pre-pandemic year, and then we got our fatality report from the Ohio Domestic Violence Network, we saw 112 fatalities across Ohio, and 11 of those were right here in Lucas County.

And that information runs from July of 21 or July of 21.

Yes.

Until June of 22.

So that the report can be released in October.

DV Awareness Month.

Doni: Yeah.

So the numbers are going up.

There is no question about that.

Is it an issue of better reporting?

Is is something else going on?

What's your perspective?

Rachael: I think there has been folks that are coming forward and they are reporting domestic violence.

But also in just looking at the pandemic as a global crisis and a very traumatic one.

When you have crisis events, domestic and sexual violence tend to go up.

Reporting can go down and that.

So that's what we have seen as well, too.

Doni: Yeah, I think one of the other things that's that's really a critical part of this conversation is that people come into the conversation with all kinds of biases.

They don't really understand who are the people involved?

Who is that woman that's that's victimized?

Rachael: It can really be anybody that, you know, if you know four women or six men, you know, someone that's impacted by domestic or sexual violence.

No kidding.

You may not know that you know, but you do you know someone that's impacted.

So we're talking about folks from all walks of life because it cuts across race, gender, socioeconomics.

This is something that impacts community.

Doni: Community totally, no matter what age.

No matter that age.

No kidding.

We have there's a there's a really powerful program called Silent Witness that was developed to shed light to shine light directly and starkly on this issue.

Would you tell folks a little bit about that program?

Rachael: Sure.

So the silent witness project is coordinated by one of our partners, the Bethany House, which is a long term domestic violence shelter, and the families of folks that have been killed by their perpetrator, by their abuser.

Can come forward and share the story of that victim and have their name and their story remembered through the silent witness project.

Doni: Mm hmm.

I think it is one of the most powerful projects I've ever encountered.

We have to say their names.

We have to say their names.

And this project allows us to do that.

And you're going to do something that I think is pretty remarkable so that we can put this discussion in the context of the lives of those who are affected.

I am going to ask Rachael to read a statement, a silent witness statement.

Yeah.

Rachael: My name is Cierra McCrary.

I'm 17 years old.

I'm a junior at Eastwood High School, where I am an honor roll student.

And I live with my mom in Pember ville.

I love art, basketball, fishing, the Toledo Mud Hens.

People say I am a glowing soul who lights up the room and I go out of my way to make sure the people around me are happy and safe.

My ex-boyfriend, Lucas Miller, has been threatening me for years, but I finally decided to move on with someone else.

Lucas could not accept that.

On March 5th, 2020, Lucas shot me in my own home.

Then he shot himself, too.

My mom found both of our bodies.

I'm survived by my parents and brother.

My name was Cierra McCrory.

Remember my name?

Doni: Remember that name?

There is there are all kinds of emotions that rise to the top.

When you hear that kind of statement.

Rachael: Yeah.

Doni: Has this been a powerful tool, a useful tool?

Rachael: I think that the Silent Witness project is definitely a powerful tool and it really highlights the loss that community can feel when you're talking about folks from young people, babies, children, teenagers, to folks we would identify as the elderly and the loss of life.

And then those that are left remembering and surviving a preventable act of violence.

And we need more than to be outraged at the most extreme act of violence that can happen, the loss of someone's life.

Doni: We need to be motivated by prevention and education and supporting the survivors that are telling us now that they're experiencing something.

Absolutely.

Are there are there folks who are more at risk than others?

Rachael: There are.

So when we look at folks that are kind of at this higher risk population, we would see between the ages of 18 and 24, particularly young women between the ages of 18 and about 24 are at higher risk for victimization.

And then we also see a period of time when we're talking about sexual violence.

It's called the red zone.

So really, that first semester in school up until about fall, said Thanksgiving break can be a high risk time for sexual victimization.

Doni: I wonder why.

Rachael: Folks are when we're talking about the kind of red zone time we're talking about folks that are acclimating to campus.

We're talking about our freshman population.

Maybe the first time away from home, first time of independence.

And we don't really know what folks have had conversations and education and, you know, around coercion and consent and engaging in engaging with the opposite sex in a way that is respectful and consensual.

And what exactly that clearly, clearly means.

Doni: Yeah, there is a there's there is a process that happens as people move into sustained domestic violence, isn't there?

Mm hmm.

Could you tell me a little bit about that?

Rachael: Sure.

Yeah.

So we look at it as the cycle of violence at the center of a domestic violence relationship is power and control.

One person wanting power and control over the other person and the tactics that they use are the abuse tactics to get at that power and control.

Now, the cycle of violence has kind of three zones.

It has the Green Zone where we can see someone promising if it's early in the relationship, they might be doing some love bombing and some compliments and really showering the person with gifts.

And I've never felt this way about anyone that's.

Doni: Lived around me.

Rachael: Absolutely.

Yeah.

This extreme having I've never felt this way.

I can I could never talk to anyone before you.

I could never open up like this before.

And so this is kind of this Green Zone.

If this violent violence has already happened, we may see I promise to go to counseling.

We may see family members calling of this person's talk.

Just tore up over a year.

I've never seen them.

So, you know, just distraught.

They love you.

They care about.

Doni: You.

They actually bring in people from outside to help work in this.

Rachael: Sure.

Sure.

And commonly, this person is presenting as just this wonderful partner, really charismatic and wonderful partner.

And so they will bring in other folks that have a different view than what's happening in the home.

So this is kind of this green zone.

It's more of the peaceful zone.

The yellow zone is where we see this tension building.

It can be slamming doors or stomping around or dirty looks, nit picking a backhanded quote unquote, backhanded compliment, things that there's this tension building.

It's feeling uncomfortable.

The person that is experiencing the violence is starting to feel this eggshell kind of feeling.

So typically, they're trying to keep the peace.

They may be trying to say, you know, what's wrong?

What's going on?

You know, why don't why don't we do something nice?

You seem like you've been stressed out.

Let's have a nice date this weekend.

Yeah.

And so we're just seeing some volatility, some hot and cold from the person that's perpetrating abuse.

After the yellow comes the red zone, which is where we see violence happen.

That can be physical.

That can be sexual, that can be psychological violence.

And as folks go around the the cycle, again, the green and yellow zones tend to get shorter.

The red zone tends to get longer.

And it also tends to get more intense and more violent.

Doni: Well, is there an opportunity?

Are the victims?

I have I have to admit that I struggle with that word victim.

I think at the end of the day, these folks are survivors.

Yes, they are absolutely survivors.

They are heroes, which is, to me, the antithesis of being a victim.

So but for the sake of this conversation.

Sure.

Is.

Is there an opportunity that those women and it's important to mention to hear that there are men who are subject to domestic violence, but the reported cases of women far outnumber.

Rachael: They do far.

Outnumber the men.

Doni: Are the women missing an opportunity to connect with help during this during this red stage, maybe even the green stage, where.

Rachael: There there can be a lot of opportunities to connect with some resources and some help.

But what you see throughout the cycle of violence is isolation, manipulation, emotional abuse, minimizing, denying and blaming.

You're overreacting.

I didn't do that.

That didn't happen like that.

I didn't hit you.

I pushed you and I only pushed you because you were coming at me.

So it didn't happen.

If it did happen, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was that bad, it's your fault, right?

And so there's a entire layer of manipulation and emotional abuse and, again, isolation that's happening that can really wear away at this kind of inter inter voice that says, it's not me, it's.

It's.

Rachael: You.

Because that person is manipulating that inner voice that in her guidance.

And so folks often will question themselves.

Doni: want you to hold that thought.

Okay.

We're going to go away for just a minute, but we will be right back.

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Doni: Welcome back.

We are talking to Rachel Gardner today about the most difficult topic, domestic violence.

We in the first segment had an opportunity to learn a bit more about what the Silent Witness project is all about.

I am going to ask Rachel if she would read a second statement from that program.

Rachael: Sure.

My name is Jordan Jones Harris.

I'm 23 years old.

I live in Toledo and work as a nursing assistant at to assisted living centers.

I have plans to attend nursing school.

Family and friends describe me as beautiful and outgoing with a radiant smile.

I am known for my caring actions and devotion to my family.

One family member described me as the epitome of unconditional love.

On October 13th, 2013, a neighbor heard yelling, followed by rapid gunfire from my Toledo apartment.

Evidence suggested that my ex-boyfriend, Marcus Walker, had forced his way in.

Shortly after arriving on the scene, police pronounced me dead.

Although Walker had fled before the police arrived, he was found and arrested in Arkansas five months later.

He was tried and convicted of my murder and sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole after six years.

My name was Jordan Joan Hares.

Remember my name?

Doni: There's so much power in these statements.

And I think that one of the most powerful sentences in all of the statements is remember my name and remember my name.

You've done you've you've talked about this issue a million times, and it's still makes you teary.

Rachael: Mm hmm.

It does.

These are folks that lived right here in our community, and they have loved ones who remember them.

We should all remember them.

Doni: We should.

Are there flags?

What are they?

Rachael: So we sum it up as advocates.

We sum it up as too much, too soon, too intense.

So that looks like this person was not in your life before.

And now you're dating.

You're developing a relationship with them, and they're all over your life.

They want you to call when you get up.

They want you to call when you go to work.

They want you to call when you get home.

They want you to call throughout the day.

They want to say cancel your Friday night plans because I'm taking you out.

So they're deciding like, this sounds like, Oh, that sounds nice.

A date night on Friday, but they're deciding what you're going to do on Friday night.

They're making sure you clear your schedule and then they're deciding what the activity is as well, too.

We're going to sit here.

We're going to go here.

We're going to go to this place.

And then they can start to also chip away at this isolation piece.

So your friends don't like me.

I wish you wouldn't go out.

Why do you have to go and see your family on Saturday night?

I wanted to do a nice date with you.

And you're going to blow me off?

Doni: Yeah.

Rachael: So?

Too much.

Too soon and too intense early in their relationship.

They may want to say, you know, I want to.

I want to make you my girl forever.

I want to get married.

I've never felt like this before.

You know, we're going to be a whole family.

But we're talking about early in the relationship.

You're still build that.

You don't even know this person.

You're still building this this relationship strand by strand.

And they're coming very intensely, very strong and want it to be just be all over your life.

Doni: Mm.

Is there a way out?

Yeah.

Get out.

Talk to me about that.

Rachael: There is.

Doni: So I've read that leaving can be the most dangerous part of this relationship.

Rachael: That's true.

1,000%.

That is true.

At the center, remember, is power and control of this relationship.

So when a survivor says that they are going to take power and control back, they're done with this relationship.

They are moving on.

They are taking back their power and control.

And you have someone that's already demonstrated violence and abuse to have and keep power and control over them.

So leaving it's true, it can be very dangerous.

And when we talk about fatalities, a lot of times we're talking about fatalities that happened during a separation period when that when the victim was trying to leave or trying to get out.

But that doesn't mean that there is no hope because we work with folks I know because I work with folks every day that leave and that find housing, that find where they want to go and what they want to do, that refind what their favorite color is, how do they like their hair?

What is it that they want to do?

Do they want to go back to school?

And do they want to go to work?

Doni: Discover themselves?

Rachael: Absolutely.

So with with support, safety, planning and resources, healing and recovery from abuse is absolutely possible.

Doni: Say that again.

I want people to hear you say that again.

Rachael: Sure.

Safety support and resources.

Recovery from abuse is absolutely possible.

Doni: I want to talk just a few minutes and we have just a few minutes left.

I want to talk about the why w you guys are the only emergency shelter in Lucas County.

Rachael: We are.

Yeah, we are.

We are 17 rooms, 46 beds.

We are currently in the midst of a capital campaign because we are continuously running at or overcapacity throughout the fall, starting really into October and then throughout the fallen into the winter, we were steadily running at around five, six, seven people waiting for a space to open up.

And so we make accommodations for folks so that we can get them to safety if they come to us.

Our CEO likes to say anybody that's brave enough to leave will not be turned away.

So we're in the midst of a capital campaign to expand because we clearly, clearly need.

Doni: To this place.

How many you count your services in bed days?

Rachael: We do.

We counted.

We count admissions folks served, and then we can also count beds as well, too.

So how many nights of shelter did we provide to the community?

Last year we provided about 14,000 nights of shelter.

We had a little bit over 500 admissions higher than even, like I said, pre-pandemic.

And we did all of that serving through both our location, but then also serving folks that we had to make other accommodations for because we didn't have a room for them.

So our expansion is going to go from 17 to 34 rooms, and then we'll change things like cinderblock walls that we currently have because our building's so old updated decor just really making it a space that you can take this healing journey.

Doni: Children.

Rachael: Mm hmm.

Yeah.

We had almost 250 children come through our emergency shelter.

I'm expecting that we'll see about 250 children this year and almost 90% of those kids are going to be between zero and six.

So a majority of the folks that we're serving, our moms and their kids.

Doni: One of the questions that that bounce is around all over when you're having this discussion is why do people stay and why do women stay?

It's because they're with the person they love.

They're with their best friend.

Rachael: Yeah.

It's all of those reasons.

And I just have to I just I have to say.

Doni: I want you to please.

Rachael: Nobody asks me why doesn't the abuser stop abusing.

As many times as I've been asked.

Right.

Well, why does.

Why don't they leave?

Why doesn't she leave?

Nobody asked me ever.

Why don't they stop abusing?

Why don't they stop doing that to that person?

And as I was thinking about anticipating that I might be asked this question, I thought, you know, this is regardless of gender.

And it's the only victimization that we really look at the victim as needing to be rehabilitated in their choices.

We don't say to someone that was robbed, why would they carry and cash their own money in their pocket?

Right point.

Or someone that had their car broken into?

Right.

Well, why would they park in their driveway, not their garage?

They should have done that.

And regardless of gender, but we do with this.

We do with domestic and sexual violence and regardless of gender to when we have men who come forward, the the public society completely emasculated.

And we just have this kind of scorn that a man could be abused or victimized by a woman.

Doni: Yeah.

Rachael: We collectively.

Right.

I don't think so.

Right.

But it happens.

It absolutely happens.

And then we have this whole mindset around like, well, why would they stay?

Clearly, it's the victim that needs to be rehabilitated in their choices and thinking process for this crime.

Only For this crime only.

Doni: That's right.

That's a powerful and important point.

And it's I think it's because people think that he'll go to jail, that that's going to be that that's going to be the penalty, that he'll go to jail.

But that doesn't happen all the time.

Rachael: No.

So domestic violence is a misdemeanor.

So it carries a misdemeanor sentence if convicted, if charged, if convicted, if it goes through the criminal justice process in that manner, it starts off as a misdemeanor charge.

And just this past legislative session, did strangulation become a felony?

It was not until this current this current legislation that strangulation became a felony.

Before that, it was not in Ohio was the last state to make strangulation.

One of the most lethal things you can do to someone, a felony.

Doni: Mm hmm.

The the impact to of domestic violence on children is remarkable.

When I was researching this topic, I was stunned at how much we miss by not seeing this this issue in its broadest view.

Rachael: Mm hmm.

Absolutely.

So we can sometimes hope I'm going to use the word hope that because kids are young or maybe because they're little or maybe they were in another room, or maybe they were at someone else's home that they won't remember or be affected by domestic violence.

But just like if you were hanging out with a best friend couple and could feel that there was tension there between them, maybe they got into an argument or had a disagreement and you might feel that, Oh, something is happening here.

Yeah, well, kids can feel that too.

They can see bruises.

They can see a hospital, the ambulance or police coming to the home.

They see broken things.

They can see holes in the wall.

They can feel the tension in the air and talking about development, the neural pathways that get played down as kids are developing the trauma response ones fight or flight freeze and the safety trauma responses.

In the limbic system, they get laid down more heavily and those neurons develop faster and those paths lay down more quickly than other healthier neuron activity when there is violence in the home.

Doni: You know, I read a study that actually said that infants, infants feel or feel the impact of domestic violence.

Rachael: Absolutely.

They certainly do, because they can feel in year to year in utero.

Yeah, they are exposed to the cortisol and stress hormones that the mother is experiencing.

And even if it is postnatal, then we're also again, we're talking about that brain development, a huge period of brain develop and neuron activity developing the brain connections happens from 0 to 2.

And so what are the pathways that are getting laid down if there's domestic and sexual violence in the home?

Doni: This is such a huge, huge topic.

I want to thank you for being with us today and beginning a conversation that I hope goes on for a very, very long time.

Thank you, Rachel.

Thank you.

Thank you.

One of the most important things to remember in this process is that you are not alone.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

Rachel and her team are waiting to hear from you.

Her contact information is on this screen.

Thank you so very much for joining us today.

This is to the point.

My name is Donny Miller.

The views and opinions expressed in to the point are those of the host of the program and its guests.

They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of WG Public Media.

This program was made possible in part by viewers like you.