Announcer: The views and opinions expressed in To The Point are those of the host of the program and its guests.

They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of WGTE public media.

Doni: Jimi Hendrix.

Michael Jackson, Abraham Lincoln Prince and Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. What do these folks have in common?

They each died without having a will.

A will is only one of the many tools available for directing the management of your estate.

It's also the most well known.

Even so, more than hal of all Americans died intestate, leaving family members and others who loved them to figure out the morass of details, including navigating probate court while managing the unmanageable task of grieving.

Getting your affairs in order.

A workshop sponsored by the Area Office on Aging will show you how to avoid this devastating situation.

Join me for this discussio with Barbie Harrison, chairwoman of the Area Office on Aging an Event Planner Deborah Barnett.

I'm Doni Miller, and welcome... To The Point.

You can connect with us on ou social media pages, as you know.

You can also email me at doni_miller@wgte.org.

And for this episode and other additional extras, don't hesitate to go to wgte.org.

To the point I am so happy to have two strong community advocates with us today talking about a really, really important subject.

It's called getting your Affairs in Order and with us to talk about why this is important and why you should pay attention to it, why you should not wait until the last minute to address this issue.

Our chairwoman of the Are Office on Aging, Reverend Barbie Harrison and event Planner a key in this whole effort.

Strong advocates.

She's actually becoming known as the.

Get your affairs in order, lady.

Event planner Debbie Barnett.

Welcome, ladies.

Thank you so, so much for joining us today and talking about this issue.

We really work hard I think, not to get this done.

I think we push it back, we push it back, we push it back.

Why do we do that?

Deb, what are you finding as you're out talking to people about?

Deborah: Well, people push back because they are afraid of what they don't know.

And, and my many, many years in banking and addressing this issue with customers, you know, they just don't want to think about it.

They don't want to talk about it.

And so it's so unfortunate that you come to a situation and life's ever changing and you have to deal with the issue.

As my flier and the flier that we create says, a will is not always away.

And you will hear that.

Well, I got a will, so I got it taken care of.

But it's more than just a will.

It's many, many life changing issues that you have to deal with.

One of the things I share with people when I'm talking about this is we are purchase insurance.

We all purchase car insurance because we drive a car.

You don't purchase car insurance because you're gonna need it.

You purchase car insurance because you might need it.

So you put these things in order because some of them you will need.

But some of them you might need.

One of them is a power of attorney, a financial power of attorney or a health care power of attorney.

You know you need those things in place to help your family navigate through those life changing experiences that we all have probably gone through at some point in our lives.

If we haven't, we will.

Yeah, absolutely.

And and you, the Erie Office on Agin is a key sponsor of this event.

And I want to tell you and I'll mention this a few other times throughout our time together today, but I want to let you know that the getting your Affairs in Order workshop for 2025, happens on Saturday, April 5th, 2025 at the Lucas County Main library in the McMaster Center.

It's a great room.

Free parking there.

Free parking.

Deb, still this time.

Deborah And we're going to feed you too.

Doni: Oh my goodness.

And you get food too.

So the Area office on Agin is a key sponsor of this event.

Why put it in a different spin?

Barbie: We are a partnership.

All right.

And the reason I say love you ship.

And I want to put a spin o that is because the Erie Office on Aging deals with aged age people, persons that, at age 60, you know, things that they used to do, they, they find out, they begin to find out tha they can't do them any longer.

So getting your affairs in order fits right into what we are all about is the Erie Office on Aging.

The services that we provide, you know with this organization or Vance, you think about everything that a person needs, especially when they're 60 and above.

Those are the services, all of them comprehensive.

Doni: I'd like to talk about that a little bit more in a bit because I think it's important to take this time to let folks know about the resources that are out there and some of the some of the challenges, too, that people are facing as they get older.

So if you can just kind of hold that thought, okay.

And we'll come back to that.

What made you decide?

Debbie, because I, I think and correct me if I'm wrong, I think that this really was something that you'd been thinking about for a long time.

And as much as you try not to take credit for this, this actually germinated in your brain.

And.

Okay, I know you're going to say.

And others too.

Okay, I got that.

But what made you decid that this was important to me?

Deborah: Well, you go through some personal experiences.

You go through personal experiences with your own family.

You go through family of friends experiences.

Yeah.

You know, I have girlfriends, and you go through those experiences.

And as as together as we as we might be.

There are some things we didn't take care of.

That's right.

Okay.

I had the responsibility of taking care of my mom for a while.

We didn't have things in order, right?

I had to get things in order once I got her here.

Right?

I didn't know what kind of medications she was supposed to take.

I didn't have power of attorney over her until.

That's right.

I got her here and saw that I needed it, and I had to get that in place so I could take care of her because she couldn't make those.

Those decisions, those medica or financial decisions herself.

Doni: And we don't think about those things.

We think that especially, especially black families who are so, always so focused o taking care of each, each other and bringing people into our families to manage, we don't think about the things that you've just mentioned.

Deborah: We don't we don't.

Doni: That you can't you can't pay the bill.

You can't get to the bank account.

Deborah: You can't.

And I have and I've I've experienced tha even in my financial background, someone in the family who has money in the bank, but they're the only person on that account.

They get sick.

And I always, I always want to go back to.

We're not always talking about the end of life.

We're talking about life changing experience this.

So if you're if you are in the hospital and you can't handle these things until you get better, who's that power of attorney?

That's going to help you navigate throug your financial responsibilities?

Because we all have them, right?

Who is that individual that's going to help you do that?

That's exactly right.

Right.

It's all about conversation, though, isn't it, Reverend Barbie?

Barbie: I was just going to ask you to check that, because a lot of times, what I found, what I have found in working with families, is that family members do not talk to each other about those kinds of things.

What what, d I expect my family to do once?

I should I get sick?

Should I be hospitalized?

Should I come down with Alzheimer's?

You know, my memory is not the same as it used to be.

I was just recently in the hospital, and my son and I was having the same discussion, and.

And another thing I was thinking about and I shared with him, is that as far as having informatio on my computer and everything, you have to know passwords.

Doni: That's right.

I didn't even think about that.

That's right.

Barbie: You have to have passwords in order to get into, the accoun to find out what's going on.

So.

That's right.

So the piece that I like to bring to this conversation is that, first of all, families must begin to talk about their whole heart.

It's a hard conversation And that' what I was going to say when you when Debbie was talking earlier.

This is some of the reason we push back, because it's a hard conversation, right?

Those hard conversation know very important conversation that we need to begin to talk about.

We're all in this together, right?

We all have one life to live.

Right.

Doni: And you know what?

The one way to think about it and tell me what you both think about this, is that even though they're hard conversation, when you're talk, you should think about what you are leaving your loved ones to manage when you don't do that.

Yeah.

And it's a process that you don't want people that you love to hav to go through to figure it out, to have to deal with probate court.

Which can be a years long process.

Barbie: Yes.

And yes, in terms of families getting together and discussing this, you know, like lif in, in situations, for example, your mom tells you one of the five children, I'm going to leave you my special bedspread that my mother has left me.

And the family doesn't know that.

That can cause a lot of contention and disagreements and anger at the family lives with for the rest of their lives.

Right.

And this is why the families are so disjointed.

Because they don't want to have those, I would say loving conversations that they should have.

Doni: That's a great way to put it, Reverend Barbie, that we change the change the narrative and make them loving conversations.

Barbie: Yes.

Yes.

It's so important I see that so much in the work that I do.

Yeah.

You know, families you know, may be sick and cannot talk to a brother or a siste about what's happening to them.

Their memory is getting bad.

They don't want to talk about it.

They don't want to own up to it.

You know, causes problems.

Unnecessary.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Doni: And we think.

And I know why we think this way, but it's it's like it's what I call magical thinking.

We think that the people that we think that we are going to be here forever.

Forever.

We really do.

And then you realize one day, guess what?

We're going to leave.

You're going to leave this place.

That's exactly right.

That's right.

That's exactly right.

So changing the narrative to loving conversation.

Yes.

That's really the way.

Yes.

Deborah: That's right.

That's what Reverend Barbie.

does at our workshops.

She brings the whole concept around.

How do you talk to to your loved ones?

Because.

Doni: Okay, hold that thought.

Because I wanted to ask you to talk more about exactl what you're talking about now.

But we got to take a break.

Okay.

So we'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

Please stay with us.

Doni: Connect with us on our social media pages and remember that you can email me at doni_miller@e.org if you want to see this episode or any others.

You know, to go to wgte.org.

To the point, we are talking about getting your affairs in order with and that planner, Debbie Barnett and the chairwoman of the area Office on Aging, the Reverend Barbie Harrison.

So that.

Yeah.

That's you.

So, it really important information, terribly important information.

We want to talk a little bit about what you're going to get at, this workshop, getting your affairs in order, which, again, I will mention is Saturday, April 5th of this year, and it's at the Lucas County Public Library at the McMaster center.

Deb, you wer talking where we went to break.

Reverend Barbie brings to.

Deborah: That the whole concept of how yo have those loving conversations with your family members, bringing them together, how to set the table, how to engage them, and even coming to the table to have those conversations.

One of the things I've thought about, you know going through this whole 2024, because it it started with a session and I believe it's becoming a movement.

Where people are really starting to think about it, you know.

Because your legacy deserves a plan.

Doni: Yes.

I love that, yeah.

Deborah: Your legacy deserves a plan.

I love that you have been on this earth for a purpose.

And sometimes we think our kids know everything about us.

But they don't know.

They don't.

They know us as their parents, right?

They don't know us as those young people that grew up doing things in the community.

They don't know that.

So I, I think that the plan is so critically important.

And so I want to thank publicly all of the peopl that's come to the table.

And, as I share it with my pastor, Bishop Dwayne Tisdale, I said, you know what?

You teach us this when God gives you a vision, he gives you the provision.

And so people have come to the table and been so supportive of this, whole initiative that I says now is becoming a movement where people are really thinkin about how does this affect me?

Do I need a will?

Do I need a power of attorney?

Do I need a transfer?

Of death?

You hear a whole.

You hear a whole lot of conversation around trust.

Do I establish a trust?

Do I really need a trust?

Well, will the trust benefit me?

You know, we talk about insurance, the different types of insurance, and how insurances work.

Right?

One of the things that I learned in, in homeowners insurance is you hav two parents who live in a home.

One of them passes away.

One of the childre or the grandchildren moves in.

Then that parent or grandparent passes away and nobody changes the deed.

That's on the house, right?

Yeah.

It's no longer insured.

So these are things that we, I hopefully we educate our community to inspire them to look into how it affects them, becaus we're all individuals naturally.

We don't have a we don't have a cookie cutte approach to getting your affairs in order but we're going to provide you informatio and resources at these workshops that's going to help you put your plan in place.

And you're never too young never, never, never too young.

And I think something that people don't kno all the time is that there are pre developed forums online to help with this.

Yeah.

You don't always have to go to an attorney.

To get this work done for you.

There are kits.

I actually did mine with a ki that I bought from Home Depot.

Not Home Depot, but, OfficeMax.

Yes.

And, it's so there are.

And it had all the, everything in it that that you needed, to get the basics done should something happen.

But you know, what still is troublesome are those hard conversations.

And since you have an expertise in this, Reverend Barbie, how do you speak and how do you begin to have those hard conversations?

Barbie: Well, you have to look at reality.

And a lot of times it's so easy not to look at reality to avoid it.

But when it comes down to it, let me put it this way.

When the rubber hits the road and you realize I'm going to leave this world at some point in time, then you really need to begin to have those conversations.

Maybe you can't tal to the whole family at one time, but begin talking t the one that you feel closer to.

Right.

It could be a son, daughter, mother, father, whomever have those conversations with that individual, and then maybe you can make i bigger and bigger and and really should you have when you do have that conversation to sit down with just the immediate family, mother, father, siblings and begin just talk about, you know, what do we want to do when we leave this world?

We get prepared to leave this world.

What do we need to do?

What's my legacy?

I would really like to know some kind of what my kids think about me.

Well, you know, really, I think about this sometimes, especially as a spiritual person.

You know what do I want to leave my kids.

What do, what do they expect me to leave them.

Doni: You know that that's the way you approach this is so important.

And I remember in my family, my mom tried to tal to all of us, and we were like, no, no, we're not here.

And w don't want to hear their story.

We don't want to hear that.

But my sister who had a different relationship with my mother, was able to sit down, talk about all those things, took the burden off of the rest of us.

And when my mother died, every single thing you know, from the color of her dress to the length of the service was done.

For us, it was already in place, a wonderful gift.

She left us by doing that, and one that's.

Deborah: Part of one of the documents that we pu in every package of information.

It's called the final and, final arrangements, instructions that you can complete.

So your family is not sitting there.

Well, mom told me this, right?

Well, she didn't tell me to.

You know, so if you have this final, arrangements, instructions that you've put in place, then you alleviate.

That, the discussion, because this is what mom wanted, or.

Sister wanted because it's all in writing.

It's a it's an excellent document.

Doni: So.

So, Deb, tell folks what the will get at the at the workshop.

Deborah: They will get information from an attorney who speaks about all of these topics.

We have a bank executive coming that will talk about bank accounts.

Because one of the issues I just got it from AARP is the scams that is existing and how to protect yourself.

So we have a banker coming to talk about that.

We have, our county, our county folks, our county recorder, our county auditor, the county treasurer.

They're coming to to share what roles they play in putting your affair in order in their departments.

Right.

So they'll be there.

We even have.

It was so ironic.

Like I said, when God gives yo the vision, he he he provision.

So I thought one day I said, Judge Putnam Berger is the probate judge.

He should come and conduct me.

Welcome.

And so I called a couple of people and they said, we can't give you the judge's phone number.

Well I was leaving Government Center one day, and I crossed the street, and his tall ma was standing there, and I said, you look like a puffin burger.

I said, he said, I am.

I said, I've been tryin to get in touch with your dad.

I sit here and I had my folder with my flier.

I gave him a flier on my car.

I said, can you have him call me?

I want him to come and do the welcome at this workshop.

And so he said I can do one better than that.

He said, you can ask it himself is coming across the street.

So we so, so it has been so easy to plan these events because it does a lot of work go into it.

Yes, yes.

A lot of work goes into it.

But once people hear the concept and I think the hook has been Danny getting your affairs in order because people don't believe they have an estate.

Doni: Right?

Yes, yes, yes.

Deborah They think all the rich people.

Have an estate.

Doni: Such a good point.

Hold that thought.

I want to ask one other question before I forget it.

When we're talking about these conversations, what do you both suggest?

If the kids want to talk about it or the.

The loved one want to talk about this process, but the parent doesn't or the sibling doesn't, and that can't happen.

Barbie: And a lot of things that can happen.

You just continue to try?

And maybe there's another individual who's outside of the family, like a pastor or a Sunday school teacher or dear friend that would really that you could talk with the to be the mediator to open that conversation.

So yeah, that's a really good point.

Yeah.

But you keep trying to keep you don't give up.

Like you said earlier, you never know.

You're never too youn and you're also never too old.

Right.

Doni: And, and and thank you for that.

And I want to before we go.

And we're running out of time.

I want to talk about that estate piece, because you are absolutely right.

It's that word estate.

It's.

Yes, it's.

That word estate.

It is, you know.

Deborah Because there's many of those, there's many of those in our success.

We started with, we're going to get 80 people there, and we were going to be happy.

We got we had to shut it off at 95 because we had only planned for that.

Many 20 people showed up that wasn't registered.

Oh, wow.

So our last one that we ha in 2024, which was in October, we had 208 people registered to attend the workshop.

Doni: No kidding.

Deborah: So it it is so it's grown.

Doni: So people are hearing.

Deborah: They're hearing.

You're getting your affairs in order.

And and the different aspects of it and.

Barbie: Not only hearing, theyre realizing, yes, this is something.

I need to do before I leave this world.

Doni: That's right.

And, and this whole idea of, you know, like I don't have an estate thing.

I mean, people I would suggest and correct me if I'm wrong, but they need to change this narrative as well to include things like.

This was my grandmother's favorite table.

Yeah, sure.

And that has value for me.

And what do I want to do with that?

Or.

Or this is my house.

What do I want to do with that?

So it's not about always the the value of the I mean, value gets measured in a lot of different ways i a lot of different ways, right?

Right.

We've got the legacy, that legacy.

We have one minute left.

Reverend Barbie, I want you to talk quickly about some of the services at the Area Office on Aging provides.

Well they offer a variety of services from home delivered meals, housing, support services.

Barbie We have many support services.

I really need to say this, though, is that we find that, for person who are elderly or who are aged, whatever word you want to use, say 60 and over.

The reason why the death rate i so high among that population, even though they are living longer, is because the lack of socialization.

You know.

Yeah.

Isolation.

Get out.

Mix and mingle.

And you know if a person, say a person smokes three packs of cigarettes a day is equal to a person living much shorter lives, isolated from the, from from the others.

Yeah.

They don't live as long.

Doni: Right.

I, I want to, encourage everybody, to do two things.

Number one call the area Office on Aging.

Find out the services that they, provide for that population.

It is an amazing organization.

And the second thing, take it.

Listen to me when I talk to you about, getting your affairs in order.

You will be so very glad you did.

I want to thank you both for joining us today.

And I want t thank you two for being with us today, and I will see you next time.

On... To The Point.

Announcer: The views and opinions expressed in To The Point are those of the host of the program and its guests.

They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of WGTE public media.

To The Point is supporte in part by American Rescue Plan Act fund allocated by the City of Toledo and the Lucas County Commissioners and administered by the Arts Commission.

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