Announcer: The views and opinions expressed in To The Point are those of the host of the program and its guests.

They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of WGTE public media.

Doni More than 2.4 million children live in grand families or kinship care arrangements.

Approximately 33% of these children living with grandparents are under the age of six.

35% are between 6 and 11 years old, and 32% are between the ages of 12 and 17 years old.

The average grandparent in this situation is over 65.

Limited resources and the sudde assumption of caregiving roles often leave grandparent feeling overwhelmed, isolated, and emotionally drained.

Fortunately, those in this situation don't have to navigate this journey alone.

Justin Moor, president and CEO of the Area Office on Aging, is here to discuss resources designed to help.

I'm Doni Miller, and welcome To The Point.

Doni: You can connect with us on our social media pages.

You can also email me at doni_miller@wgte.org.

And for this episode and other additional extras, please go to wgte.orgtto the point.

We have the fairly new, but always amazing Justin Moor with us.

He is the new, the president CEO of the Area Office on Aging.

And we're talking about an issue that is becoming mor and more troubling by the day.

The trends are not going in the right direction, and that's grandparents who are raising their grandchildren can certainly be a joy, but it can also provide some difficult situation as well.

Justin: That's right.

This growing population is now to about 2.5 million grandparents and relatives raising grandchildren in the United States.

This is a growing tren as one that my predecessor, Mrs. Billy Johnson, saw as a growin trend about 20 to 25 years ago.

No kidding.

And so that we really need to be, doing something to help support these grandparents on their journe of raising their grandchildren.

Oftentimes, thi is something that is not the way these grandparents envisioned spending their golden years.

Sometimes it comes to a knock on the door in the middle of the night, and, you know, maybe it's a police officer with their grandkids saying, you know, the biological parents are in jai or whatever the case might be, and he wants to take the kids the foster care system.

Or do you want to bring them into your own a home?

And oftentimes, the grandparents are very selflessly bringing these grandchildre in their own home to raise them, to make sure that they are taking care of that they have family members are looking out for them.

And the benefits these grandchildren have compared to our children in the foster care system is amazing.

Some of the outcomes that that come from, that care that's provided by those grandparents.

Doni: So according to the Census Bureau, these numbers are continuing to rise, and they have been rising since, over the decades, have you all been able to notice a reason for that rise?

Justin: Certainly, the opioid epidemic played a role.

With some of that rise.

We definitely saw more and more individuals that, we're grandparents raising grandchildren because the biological parents got addicted to opioids and either got, you know, had to go fo treatment or they had to go into prison system and the like because of crimes committed.

So it's really sad, some of the trauma that these children have gone through before they end u on the doorstep of grandparents.

And welcome to the home of grandparents or aunts and uncle that are raising these children.

Doni: And what a challenge.

As you as you say, there are many, many cases.

As I was preparing to talk to you about this today, I ran across dozens of cases where, as you said, the child the grandparent, open the door, there's the child with what they have on.

And a policeman or somebody saying, take this child immediately o they're going into foster care.

Justin: Right.

So oftentimes the grandparents are kind of in this state of shock or ar surprise of how do I get here?

What do I do?

What am I supposed to do?

You know, sometimes these grand children have, maybe fetal alcohol syndrome.

Sometimes they have ADHD or other issues that they weren't used to when they're raising their own children.

So they're having to learn how to deal with these, grandchildren or nieces and nephews that have some really challenging situations that they're dealing wit and require some special care.

I mentioned the trauma.

Oftentimes, this trauma that the children go through before they get to the grandparents is something that they're still working through, and the grandparent are trying to have to figure out how to give them the help they need psychologically.

And then there's issues about how do I register the kid for school for the first tim if I'm not the legal guardian?

Or, if I, how do I go about giving my child the psychological help they need?

Or how do I do have bullying and cybersecurity?

All these kinds of issues are a lot for a grandparent to try to figure out all on their own.

Our Kinship Navigator program, their Office on Aging, helps them navigate all those challenges to really set them up for success in their role.

Doni: So I'd like to go back to a point that you made just a moment ago, and that is that it is really okay and absolutely expected to be confused and hesitant and overwhelmed when this happens to you.

Justin: Absolutely.

I think that for many individuals, their head is spinning with all this change in their life, right, that they've had their maybe normal lifestyle, their normal routine, and maybe they're living on a fixed income.

That fixed income is just enoug to pay for their prescriptions for their mortgage payment, for their food and the like.

Now they have another mouth or 2 or 3 to feed.

And how are they going to go about changing their financial situations to to accommodate that?

Often in times older adults, they're our grandparents are raising grandchildren are three times as likely to struggle to get enough food or be food insecure than their grandparent counterparts that are not raising their grandchildren.

So there's a lot to deal with and process.

Oftentimes, individuals feel like they have to figure it out all in their own.

They feel like they're lonely, like nobody else is in this situation.

Doni: Absolutely.

Justin: So we're trying to create a sense of community for them, to let them know that they are not alone.

Not only is there help available through the Office on Aging, but there's also a lot of other grandparents who have been raisin their grandchildren for a while that can mentor them and let them know how they handle some of these situations themselves.

Doni: With that, that idea of creating a community is an essential piece, I think, of doing this successfully, being successful at that, because there is the sense o lonely ness and and isolation.

I mean, you don't get to hang out with your friends quite as much, I would presume, or just the lifestyle changes that a seven year old or a six year old.

The statistics say that six year olds are the most common age that grandparents are getting these kids.

So talk to me about what you guys do when you get that call.

What's the first thing you do when you get that call from a grandparent in this situation?

Justin: So first of all, we're trying to meet people where they're at.

So we know that sometimes we'll hear from grandparents that, hey, I raised my grandchildren for five years, ten years or whatever, and I wish I had known about the area of some aging that you did something to help the grandparents and relatives raising children.

That just breaks our hearts of their aging.

To hear that we could have been of help, but they didn't know about us sometimes.

So we are very intentional about making a presence in the community at school resource fairs.

We would have a great partnership with Children's Services.

They help fund our Kinship Navigator program, Lucas County Jobs and Family Services, going to health fair in the community, just meeting people where they're at, retire, regroup, block watch groups.

And like, we really would make sure that we're out there so that people are aware of this program, how it's available to help serve them.

Once people connect with us, whether it be out in the community or them calling us, we first of all just get a sense of where they're at.

What they most need help with sometimes is kind of an immediate fire situation, right?

Where ideally they would have contacted us six months before, but they're in kind of, there's a fire that needs to be put out.

Maybe there is a traumatic event that the child is dealt with, or maybe they're kind o had the stress level up to here, and they're not sure if they should throw in the towel and have the kid go to th foster care system or whatever.

We try to first of all hear what their story is, what they're struggling with, and address that immediatel so they can take a deep breath, get in a better headspace to be able to think through more, longer term and how we can be of help to them.

Doni: Can they let me in, or can they contact you six months before if they see this coming down the road?

Justin: Absolutely.

Doni: They can call.

Justin: The more planning that's done, the more options that are available, right?

If somebody contacts us and says, I think I'm going to need help in the coming months, and like we can start developing a plan for that.

When people contact us and say, I am just, you know, in this really traumatic situation and I my stress level is all I can handle.

I'm not sure what to do.

Oftentimes it might be more challenging to find them resources right then and there.

At that moment.

But oftentimes when individuals are receiving their grandchild for the first time, they might not have a bed for the kids.

They might not have extra pair of clothes for the kids.

As you mentioned the like.

So oftentimes we'll try to connect them wit different financial assistance that might be available to help with some of those immediate needs to make sure that they have those basics for their grandchildren more painfully, oftentimes will help with produce boxes to them and the like.

Knowing about that food insecurity issue, we'll try to get them meals around holiday time, knowing that sometimes these families might struggle to provide a nice meal for them at the holidays in a like so we're really trying to meet them where they're at and get them in a place that is better, that setting them up for success in this role.

One of the things that when we ask grandparents what they most need in raising their for raising their grandchildren, oftentimes responses, you know what?

I just want to be a grandparent, right?

I'm so sick of every conversation or interaction with my grandchild.

Mean you gotta do your homework or you go to bed or you need to brush your teeth, right?

I just want to go and have an enjoyable.

Doni: Welcome to the zoo.

Yeah.

Justin: So the zoo has been a great partne and providing zoo memberships.

So the individuals serve through our, Kinship Navigator program.

It's a little mud hands, a wall.

I have been great partners i providing tickets to their games and the like for these grandparents and relatives, raising grandchildren so that they can just have that time of just enjoying being a grandparen and being with their grandchild, doing something fun.

Doni: What about them, though?

What about that grandparent, just needing to take care of their own mental health their own emotional stability?

You know, those days, you know, there ar days when you're raising kids, you want to run out pulling your hair out.

It, pulling your hair out of your head.

You know, I'm certain that they have those times mor than the rest of us do, right?

What do they do?

What do you tell them?

Justin: So self-care is really important.

We do provide some different resources connecting with counseling services and the like so that they do have somebody that's a safe place for somebody to talk t about some of their struggles, to get some guidance from a licensed professional on how to navigate some of those issues is really important.

But also talking to other grandparents that have been through what their struggle is, sometimes it's helpful to have that that perspective, that context, that here's somebody that's been in the same situation as me.

They've made it through and lived to tell about it, and they have some words of wisdom on how to navigate this, that peer to peer mentoring is extremely important.

It's not me as somebody who has not been through that struggle, trying to tell them what to d as somebody who's been through this issue, has been living with it, raising their grandchildren for sometimes decades.

Who has given them some expert advice from the.

Doni: Trenches o what the next steps should be?

This is such a big topic.

I want to start exactly there when we come back from break.

Okay.

All right.

You stay with us.

We'll be right back.

Doni: Welcome back.

You know that you can connect with us on our social media pages.

And you know that.

You can email me at doni_miller@wgte.org.

I would love to hear from you.

Please email me.

And for this episod and other additional extras, go to wgte.org/to the point, we're talking to Justin Moor.

Justin is the president and CEO of the Area Office on Aging, and we're talking about an issue that is becoming more and more evident, more and more troublesome.

And I say that that word advisedly, because certainly raising grandchildren can be a joy.

We we don't want to underestimate that.

But when it happens an when you're not prepared for it, it can be a bit overwhelming.

We were talking about self-care when we went to break.

What do you say to those grandparents who are old school grandparents and are like, I can do this.

I don't really need your help.

I got this.

My family's always taken care of each other.

What do you say to them abou the importance of self-care and and having it be okay to include others in this process?

Justin: At first, ask the question.

Have you ever been on an airplane?

What does a flight attendant tell you?

If you put the mask on yourself first before putting on your mask on to somebody else, right?

The reason for that is if you don't take care of yourself first, you might not be aroun to take care of somebody else.

Doni: It's great advice.

Justin: So the best care oftentimes involves and starts with self-care, right.

That if you don't have if you if your tank is on empty, you're not going to be providing great care to somebody else, right?

Your stress level is going to be up here.

The littlest thing is going to set you off, and you have a short fuze and the like that self-care is extremely important.

And what we try to tel the grandparents and relatives, raising grandchildren is tha you don't have to go this alone.

We're not looking to replace what you do at the area of some aging.

We are just looking to support you and your role.

We're looking to supplemen the care that you're providing.

We're looking to give you a temporary break when you need it.

If your stress level is too high so they can go get, you know, some self-care, come back refreshed to your role.

So one thing that's coming up this summer we do a summer series annually, and many of the grandchildren might not have an opportunity to go to summer cam or have that kind of experience.

And that's an important par of their formation as children, to connect with others, to do things, activities that maybe they normally don't do in the like.

And it gives a great opportunity for grandparents to have some of that time to connect with one anothe or to have some self-care time.

So we have this, summer series for a week, end of Jul into early August this year that anybody who's in this situation, any grandparent or relative, this raising grandchildren, we welcome them to, be part of this kinship Summer series.

And it's going to b a great week full of activities for the kid so that they can have some time with their peers and be, you know, give peace of mind to the grandparents that are being taken care of, having fun and the like, and give the grandparents and relatives raising grandchildren some time to connect with one another, to have some of that mentoring relationship, to have kind of a support group.

Also, if they want to share some of their experience and struggles and, also accomplishments.

Doni: Cool thing.

Yeah, it's a great thing.

Justin: It is again, very intentional to form that community, to let these individuals know they are not in this all by themselves.

They have not only the support of the area office and agent, kinship navigator program where they need it.

They also have the support of peers and others that are dealing with the same situation that they're dealing with.

Doni: Yeah, and I think it' so important to let people know that this situation doesn't mean that they failed at anything.

And and it would be so easy to think that, like, I should have been a better parent or what did I do that I shouldn't have done and to to end up in this situation?

Not true.

Justin: Yeah, I 100% agree.

Sometimes we get stuck in the past and I would have, could, should and the like.

That is not, not fruitful at all.

Right.

I think that, there's nothing wrong that these grandparents did with the wa they raised their grandchildren.

They did their best at that time.

They're doing their bes now to raise the grandchildren in the situation that they're in.

Right.

We're just trying to help them focus on the present and the future and what it is that they need to be set up for succes in the present, in the future.

Sometimes that's a situation where they need, they need help professionally right, with a licensed counselor and thinking through some of these issues or talking through some of these issues, maybe they need financial assistance to so that they can be all the not only afford to make sure that, their, their grandchildren are getting fed.

Right, but they're getting fe right themselves.

Doni: Right?

Absolutely.

And you mentioned, in the first segment about about so many of these children showing up at the front door with trauma in their background.

And, grandparents don't necessarily know what the kids have been through.

You you do connect them with counselors if they need.

Justin: Absolutely, absolutely.

We do.

And there's lots of programs that are available.

You know, there's licensed counselor programs, but there's also some other programs that are not led by licensed counselors, but are more focused on issues like self-care and, you know, topics that are important for the grandkids to realize the dangers of social media, how to, you know, sort of set up the devices so that they are protected, you know, protecting their grandchildren digitally and the like.

There is so much i the way of resources out there.

There is so much in the way of challenges that these grandparents face that they were not facing when they're raising their own children.

So we're really making sur that they know all the resources that are available to set them up for success.

And knowing that this is not something they need to do, deal alone.

This is there are some agents here for them.

There's other grandparents that want to support them.

They know the struggl and they want to share with them the tips and trick that they learned along the way.

Doni: Is the idea, of the kinship program to be a continued support to them?

Correct.

That's the idea.

Justin: That's correct.

Doni: So it's not sort of a one and done kind of thing.

Correct.

Justin: We desire to have that long term relationship.

Right.

We know that these are oftentimes issues that evolve over time.

There's times of stability.

There's times of great challenge and the like.

We know that sometimes people might need help today, but they might not.

They might want to just know and have peace of mind that we're here for them if they need us.

Six months from now, when something comes up that they can't foresee at this point in time.

We know that these grandparents are doing amazing work, and the data supports that.

It shows that individuals who are not raised by their biological parents, but are raised by grandparents or relatives, they are less likely to be bullied.

They're more likely to stay in school.

They are more likely to be successful a long term with, you know, graduation from high school.

Being being, really of good, character, you know, less behavior issues in school, so on and so forth.

And, and children that are not raised by biological parents, but in the foster care system and raised by somebod that's not a biological parents.

Doni: What do you think that is?

That's interesting.

Justin: I think there's something to be sai about just that, unconditional.

Right.

That there is and that's not saying anything against somebody that is not, you know, a biological parent or, you know, relative that's raising children in the foster care system.

But there's something to be said about this is somebody who is got deep roots with me, right?

That we have shared family members.

We have, you know, a shared family history.

And this is somebody that deep down, I know is looking out for my best interest.

It's not somebody that's maybe going to be here today.

Gone tomorrow.

This is somebod that's in it for the long haul and that somebody truly cares about me.

I think that goes a long way in, taking a child situation that could hav a lot of instability in the past and providing that stability to them to let them know I can relax.

It's not a constant state of, change in m life is not a constant state of I don't know what's going to come next.

I don't know where I'm going to be tomorrow.

I don't know where I'm going to be sleeping.

I don't know where I'm going to get my next meal.

There's somebody that says, I got you right.

I'm going to be with you, whatever it is.

And I got your back.

Doni: That's pretty powerful stuff.

That is, I suspect you may not know the answer to this, but, so many of these grandparents come to you, and and they don't kno if they should engage a lawyer.

Are issues around guardianship and the ability to consent to things?

It is a little more complicated than here.

Raise this child.

Right.

What should they do?

Justin: So we do connect individuals to legal resources that are available in the community to help them And dealing with those issues.

We know that oftentimes it's very situation specific.

There are certain individuals that do not want to become the formal guardian of the or adopt the child that, maybe the situatio with their biological parents is very much of a roller coaster, and they want to give it some time to see whether or not the individual is if there's a drug alcohol addiction issue able to you know, get in, treatment and get, sober.

And there's other times when, there's, situations where the biological parents trying to come in and out of the individual's life and, you know, they're kind of letting that on the one hand, wanting that biological parent to be as engaged as is good for the child, for them to be engaged.

But there are times when that grandparent is having to sex boundaries, right, and play that tough love role that that is oftentimes very challenging to try to figure out.

That fine line of where is that being, caring and where is it being enabling, right.

And allowing some future additional trauma to unnecessarily happen that could be you know, safeguarded against.

Doni: Yeah.

Well, and all of the services are free interact.

Justin: Yes.

The area for instance Kinship Navigator program is completely free to individuals, for individuals that want to connect with that summer series for information referral.

Some of the support programs that we have available.

Again, the free mountains tickets and walleye, tickets and, you know, connecting to those holiday meals, all those services are free.

Doni: Yeah.

One of the things I would say to you who are who are watching us today, is it don't wait.

I mean, call immediately, connect immediately.

I want to make sure that we share your website with them, with everyone you want.

Justin: So people can check out all of these resources online at area office on aging.com.

Again that's area office on aging.com.

Or they can always pick up the phone and call us at (419)382-0624.

That number again (419)382-0624.

Doni: Thank you so much.

And I want to encourage you.

This is if you have any questions at all about aging or issues that you encounter along the way.

Are that somebody that you know or love encounters along the way?

Call the area office on aging.

They do an amazing job.

They have a if if we need another whol month to talk about everything that you guys do over there and thank you for what you do, it's so important.

Thank you.

And thank you for joining us today.

We really appreciate that you spent this time with us and we will see you next time.

On to the point.

Announcer: The views and opinions expressed in To The oint are those of the host of the program and its guests.

They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of WGTE public media.

To The Point is supporte in part by American Rescue Plan Act fund allocated by the City of Toledo and the Lucas County Commissioners and administered by the Arts Commission.

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Thank you.