Announcer: The views and opinions expressed in to the point are those of the hosted, the program and its guests.

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Doni: It's easy to talk about the tough issues to point out what needs to happen to solve them, to identify who's not doing what, to change things and all the while, those issues and their impact continue to get worse.

The hard work is in recognizing that we all have the power to change the most difficult of circumstances and the heroes among us to do just that.

They change things.

We're talking to two of those heroes today who, with no funding and very little help, are successfully tackling one of the biggest challenges facing this country violence.

I'm Doni Miller.

Welcome to the Point.

Connect with us on our social media pages.

You can email me at doni _miller@wgte.org for this episode and other additional extras.

Please go to wgte.org/to the point.

It is my honor and my pleasure to introduce you to these to amazing people.

Lots of folks talk about what should be done to address this issue of violence.

They talk about who needs to do that, but nothing gets done.

I'm here to introduce you to two people who, with their boots on the ground every day with very little funding and very little help, are addressing this issue of violence head on.

It's my pleasure to introduce you to Abena Roland, who is the founder of Uniquely Saving Our Sons, and his son, Doug, who is a facilitator in that same program.

First of all, thank you both so much for what you're doing.

Thank you.

Abena: For having us.

Doni: It is amazing to step out mostly on faith, as you and I have talked about, mostly on faith and just knowing that this is the right thing to do, now is the right time to do it.

And without any money from anybody.

This is getting done.

I know this has been quite a journey for you.

Can you tell us what got you to the point of deciding that uniquely saving our sons was what you needed to be doing?

Abena: Thank you, first of all, for having us.

It started maybe about 2013.

It was a lot of things that were starting to happen within the neighborhood and different, you know, various variants of my sons and things were happening to them.

And so I wanted to know how could I give back to my friends that were going through tragedies with their children?

And so I started gathering them in my living room just to kind of love them, comfort them, give them some care.

And then I didn't know that I was next.

So something happened where, you know, I lost my home and my husband and then my son came back to help and he would help fund these things.

And so he was a martyr.

March 3rd, 2021.

And I knew that I couldn't stop there.

I had to continue.

And so it's just been over the last year and a half that I came up, what, uniquely saving ourselves because his middle name is unique and I figured that we have to do this uniquely, which means we have to bring back the community.

We had to gather the women that are hurting.

And, you know, our loss is not due to death.

There's various losses in our losses are not bad either.

So I met with Mr. Hasan and we began to discuss what could be done when it comes to demand, because I had the women by then we needed, oh, you know, these women are not just having children by themselves.

There are men out here that's hurting as well.

So we kind of put it together in just our meeting separately.

And we're here today and it's been amazing.

Doni: And that's how, man, Monday, Yes.

Started.

MAN Monday.

Can you talk about me on Monday?

A little bit of correction.

Hassan: It is Man Day.

Doni: Man Day I That's right, yes.

Hassan: Hey, hold on.

Doni: I don't know.

Abena: Why.

Because it's on Monday.

Doni: Since it's on Monday.

So it's a man day and is held on Monday.

Hassan: All right.

Twice a month.

What was the question also?

Doni: Just just tell us a little bit about it.

Why is it important?

Hassan: Oh, well, I think it's important because in our community, men don't get together and talk about our issues.

Lot of time we get together, maybe talk about sports, politics, you know, stuff like that.

But when it's time to talk about our issues, we hold a man.

By me being 51.

I know I've held it a lot of issues, pretty much majority of my life.

So once I started talking about them, I feel better.

So man, they as a group of men support me and it's a safe place for me.

And it's a no judgment zone.

So to get me in there, to have have issues from childhood trauma, some are grieving still from missing their parents or grandparents.

So my drug alcohol addiction issues and some have issues as mean like what parity?

I'm going through child support and different things with the mother of their child.

So those are the type of issues, man, we're just carrying on our backs.

And as a place to release.

Doni: Its place to release and what do you think happens when we don't have that outlet for for our men, men in our community and our son.

Abena: I think is is the beginning of the violence, of the addiction is you lose hope.

And so we're just trying to bring back the hope for men because uniquely, save our sons, because we think about mothers, we think about children, but uniquely to save our sons, we have to we can't do without the man.

So we have healthy men and healthy mentors.

We have a healthy community.

Doni: It's beautiful.

And you're absolutely right on that.

In men carry this weight.

And I want to talk about women, too, because you are also facilitating a group for women that has had an amazing turnout.

Yes.

Which speaks to the need in this community to have some place to safely talk about what you're going through.

But but, Hassan, when what a burden it must be for men to always feel as though they have to be that stereotypical male, that you have to always be cool and in charge and and can't really talk about what you're feeling and what you're going through.

Hassan: What else starts from childhood and a little boy crisis told us, right.

Don't act like a girl.

Don't be this, don't be that.

So we don't get to express our feelings so we know that into adulthood when then you can express your feelings around other men because you looked at as no kind of soft.

Right.

And it's just it's not true.

So I think once we get past that point now, we'll do better.

Doni: It's the idea that it's a no judgment zone in both places is so important because it then becomes, as I mentioned before, it becomes a safe place, A. Abena: Safe place.

Doni: And a safe place.

Was it was it hard to get the men to be comfortable in that safe place?

Hassan: I don't think so, because they see that we are genuine.

Doni: They would look.

Hassan: And I actually speak from experience.

So when I open up to me and about my experiences, past experiences, I put them in a comfort zone.

So they open up.

Doni: Because they see if it if it works for you.

Correct.

It's okay for them.

It's okay for them.

So did it.

So you started with uniquely serving ourselves?

Mm hmm.

And then one day you realized that women are out here and women are hurting, too.

Abena: Yes.

And children.

And children and children.

So we do have my son that passed away.

His son name is sincere.

So we have a sincere project that's for the kids, because kids are losing parents in France like something I've never experienced.

So is we just trying to make something for everyone?

And back to the mandate?

The vision of mandate is we have another facet of Tyler, too.

His name is Dr. Dennis Amos was not with us today.

I wanted it to be with Mandate and the women.

It's not religious based.

It's not, you know, we come from different backgrounds, so I wanted to make it fair ground.

So where Dr. not takes a Christian.

Mr. Hassan Muslim.

So we want people to feel free to be who you are, no matter what's your religion, what's your race, what's your politics.

So it's amazing to see all that different people coming together and leaving better.

Doni: What do you guys hear most often from the people that are in the group?

What kind of what do you hear?

Do you hear issues with loneliness?

Do you hear issues with just the pain of having lost a loved one?

What are people struggling with the most.

Abena: For the women?

Women are suffering in silence and you just they get up and they go and do their routine as they care, but they don't feel recovery or freedom.

So we just try to make a space where we all can share our true what's really going on, not the masks we wear, but what's really going on behind the tears.

And so when we know that we're not alone, that we can come together.

And when we need help, we can export.

And not just think that no one is going to understand or you are too ashamed or embarrassed.

So it just gives people a place where they can have freedom.

Doni: Right?

Right.

The strength that both of you were showing in this process to me is so amazing and so inspiring, having you lost your home and your husband and your son and you sit here today and you talk about being a vehicle to help other people through their pain.

What what keeps you moving forward?

Abena: Our faith in the Creator.

There is no way I could do this without him.

I don't give credit.

So nothing that I do.

My desire has always been to help people.

So.

And helping others is healing for me.

So as much as I see people hurt and hurt people hurt people and heal people heal people.

So I feel like together we can unify and just make our community better, make our families better.

So that's like the drive behind why I keep going.

And like you say it with us, we provide for, you know, because we.

We like.

Doni: To eat.

Abena: Comfort food with you and to just make people open up and just, you know, Mondays are the beginning of a work week.

And at 6:00 in the evening, people are just getting off of work.

So I don't want people to have to leave there and go home and cook.

And so we try to make that available, you know, for both groups.

Doni: Yeah.

So Mr. Hassan, I want to ask you, we're going to I'm going to ask you this question and we're going to go to break and then I'll come back so we can finish it.

But you like Abena, have had some significant hurt in your life as well.

What made you decide to step forward and be the one to bring all these men together?

Hassan: Simple.

I'm just a caring person.

Doni: Just a caring person.

I know that you saw the need in men and that had to be addressed and you stepped forward.

Hassan: I've always been pretty vocal.

I always kind of go against the grain.

So if I hear me talking about harming each other, I will always speak up and talk about love one another, respect to one another.

So that's just who I am.

Doni: Hey, thank you so much for that.

We're going to go away for just a second, but we will be right back.

Abena: Okay.

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And again for this episode and any other episode that you'd like to see, or additional extras go to wgte.org/to the point we are talking to Abena Rowland and who is the founder of uniquely Saving Our Sons, an amazing group that she started out of her own hurt and need to give back because she saw so many other people in this community in pain as a result of violence.

And Mr. Hasan Diab, who is a founder in an I'm sorry, a facilitator here in this in this same organization.

When we went to break, Hasan, we were talking about what made you decide to step forward.

What I'm really interested in is what pain do you hear coming from black men?

And I know the group is open to anybody who wants to attend, but what what do you hear black men being burdened with the most?

Hassan: Take being misunderstood, underappreciated.

You kind of forgot about.

Doni: Forgotten about.

Hassan: I think.

Doni: What's that mean when you say that?

Hassan: I just think I know.

Society seems like everything's A lot of things are set up for everyone but me, especially black man.

I was just seemed like a harder struggle for us to make things happen.

Now it's just it's just different.

Doni: It's just tough.

And then all of that sort of rolls into, I would guess and please correct me if if I'm wrong, I would think that all of that would roll into frustration and a little bit of anger.

Sometimes it's tough when nobody hears your voice and they don't understand.

When they do hear your voice, they don't really understand what you're saying and all of that has to make it so difficult, even in connecting with with your own voice, your own silence.

Do I have that right?

Hassan: Yeah, 100% correct.

It's just so daily the daily process for all of we're just learning as we go.

So me being a father, I have my sons that work with me and I'm just trying to teach them and get them to understand and get them to avoid the hurdles I had in life as to the challenge, because, you know, individuals kind of want to learn on their own.

Doni: They do.

Hassan: Right?

And so to get them to come back later after they have experience, some of the things to try to get them to avoid, then they start to understand later in life.

Yeah, but I know it's just one of those things which has got to keep trying.

Doni: But you know, the amazing thing about what you all are doing is that in our culture, it has never been okay until recently to talk about your business.

It has never been okay to talk about your weakness.

We are all we are a culture of folks.

We are a group of folks, a race of folks who you keep it pushing.

You get it done.

It's going, you know, you don't have time to stand around and talk about excuses for not getting it done.

You get it done.

And I think at the end of the day, that's one of the things that's killing us spiritually.

It's it's killing our souls.

Abena: And don't remember, there was a saying that's what goes on in this house, stays in this house.

In this house.

Don't talk about what goes on in this house.

Sounds right.

People suffer in silence.

Doni: That's exactly.

Abena: Right.

And in our community, we see the outrage of it, the manifestation of it.

Right.

You know, as things are happened, like where do they come from?

There's always a root to everything.

Doni: That's right.

And it is it is because of this this requirement that we suppress our feelings and then it rolls out into all kinds of things, including violence.

Abena: And addictions.

Doni: And addiction and self-hatred.

And the list goes on and on about how the failure to be able to have the freedom to express what we feel minimizes us.

It makes it difficult for us.

Hassan: I also think it has an effect on relationships as far as a man and a woman as well, because a woman is looking for a man to be emotional and we're told not to be.

So I think one man, some of the men that I hired and when they get together, they lash out on other men.

Doni: Right?

Hassan: So it's just stuff.

Doni: Yeah.

But, you know, I think it's tough to to love someone and and and not be permitted to say that or want to.

Abena: Have the fear.

Doni: Or have the fear to say that.

And these groups challenge all those things, right?

Yes.

Right.

You ask you ask the why and you give permission.

Right.

Abena: We care.

We have a check in words like last night, our checking out.

Where was recovery?

What does recovery mean to you?

I was eavesdropping one day as I set up the food on the bad day.

I think they're checking whether it was a struggle.

So we do check you a wire.

It's just to open it up and let people begin to talk.

And it's these groups are they have been amazing.

Doni: So the chicken word is the word that you put out there and you have people respond, right?

Yes.

That's all.

That's it.

That's a huge one.

Hassan: I think loss was a very that that's when you got the tough guys.

He talked about loss and you actually see him tear up because they never get to talk about that.

So that was a good one, too.

Doni: So before we get too far along and we don't tell people how they can become a part man day, okay, give me some credit.

I got that.

Got it right.

Okay.

Give me some credit on that one.

So man Day happens every other Utah.

Hassan: Every other Monday.

So the next man day is actually July 31st.

Doni: Yes, July 31st.

Hassan: And say, oh, that 2073 Tremainseville.

Okay.

Doni: And what time does it start?

Hassan: Six 6 to 8 p.m.. Doni: 6 to 8.

Anybody?

Anybody, anybody.

Hassan: Anybody.

Doni: You feed them.

No cost to come to any promises.

Hassan: Come with an open heart.

Doni: Open mouth.

Oh say that again.

Hassan: Go into an open heart and open mind.

Doni: Open heart and an open mind.

Right.

And the other thing that I love that you said is that it is not about judgment.

It says safe place and a no judgment.

Abena: In a way, it.

Doni: Guys are changing lives.

And for the women, when does that?

Abena: Every other Monday, the Monday that they're not.

And so on Mondays in the month we have something and 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. everything is they are provided for you.

So just everyone is invited.

Last night we've had a lot of the younger women coming because we you know, if us older more sees it, women can get through our issues and our struggles.

We can reach back and get them and don't put our trauma on them.

We can help them walk through their challenges.

So it's just for everyone.

Doni: And what are you hoping at the end of the day that your people walk out with hope?

Oh, my God, I. Abena: Want because we have got to a place after COVID that people were feeling hopeless.

So we bring back hope and we can bring back unity and how we can be a better community and a better family.

Doni: Mr. Hassan, What do you want?

Hassan: Youth just want to have a small impact on their lives.

A smile, positive impact to make them want to come back again.

Little bit by a little bit for me.

Doni: MM It's a different journey.

Yes.

Abena: Yes.

Doni: It's a different journey, Yeah.

Yeah.

So when they leave and folks are smiling and they're hugging and, and then, you know, you know, you did well at that.

Hassan: We know we did well with some man.

I have business to attend to kind of make it and kind of feel like they laughed.

They missed out.

So yeah, it definitely it's good.

It's great.

Abena: Group is great when the mothers come and tell me that since their sons has been going to mandate, they see a difference in their home.

That's like I think that was the greatest thing I ever heard when it comes to both of the groups that.

Doni: What kind of changes were they seeing.

Abena: At the one in particular person that said this to me first, she says she's seen it start to communicate better because, you know, everybody in their own island, everybody's doing their own thing on their phones.

But the communication began to come back within the home.

Doni: And for the women to just to be able to release some of the burdens that women carry.

Now, I'll tell you, I think women hold the universe on our shoulders.

Love you, man.

Okay.

But I think the women hold the universal and on our shoulders.

And just to be able to be in a place for for an hour where you are respected and appreciated.

Yes.

For for that burden.

For carrying that burden.

Abena: And we hug and you actually get to feel the hugs and the love.

And do you sometimes you feel that the hurt and the pain through the hug.

Right.

And then as they continue to come, it just the hooks are better because people began to trust.

Doni: My gosh, that is so amazing.

I hope you all are having the same experience with Mandy.

They don't hug.

Hassan: Definitely having a having an impact.

Doni: Okay.

And you can tell that men have felt the impact of that of that time together.

Hassan: Yes.

And there's also for young adults as well, teenagers.

So it's it's about preventing teenagers from falling in to trouble, too.

Doni: So was there a young man who was about 14 who was in your group who just really began to discover himself?

I thought I read that about you.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

And that in that interview, it was amazing to see what when I was growing up would have been a child, 14 would have been a child.

This was clearly a young man who had lived some life and was trying to get himself on the right on the right track.

And you guys.

Abena: And he's been faithful.

So he comes.

He comes every.

Doni: Day.

So anybody let's say this again, anybody as welcome as anybody is welcome.

Yes, we have ideas.

Abena: We have politicians that come is no judgment, is no titles.

It's no big eyes, no little use.

It's just family.

Doni: I don't have words to tell you how important it is.

But I see this community and I know that it needs you all.

So please don't get frustrated.

Keep it up and I want you all to come back again so we can just keep in touch and keep this word out there.

Thank you all so much for joining us today.

I will see you next time.

On to the Point.

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